how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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