They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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