his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
