I want to have your abortion
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
