I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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