While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
