Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
