Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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