dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
