I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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