This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
