Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
