at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
