you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
