Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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