I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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