I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
