whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
