They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
