By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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