my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
