Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
