Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
