hotel room ftw
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
