my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
