Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
