trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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