you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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