My hand turned me down
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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