he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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