Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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