I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
a search helicopter?!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
