this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
