She is in my trunk
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
