she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
