SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
