I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
