I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
