You made me cry and you don't even care
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
