I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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