It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
