you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
