I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
