All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I deserve this hangover.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
