I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
