Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
