atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
