My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
