saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
