The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
