so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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