Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
