we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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