i can't believe i had my finger in that
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
