what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
